Be very afraid…..Ghost Gauthier is back in the driver’s seat

Posted: February 28, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I like swearing. Just ask my friends….or my family for that matter. But I don’t like swearing in print or online. So I can’t stop start the blog with the words that are in my head right now. But you get the idea.

Man did you hear some of Pierre ‘Major Major’ Gauthier’s comments Monday when he briefly crawled out from under his desk in Brossard to make his semi-annual address to the media troops? I’m telling you. I think he would’ve been better to follow Major Major’s lead and, like the Army boss in Joseph Heller’s classic novel, jump out the back window as soon as he heard the knocking at his door.

Talk about stepping in it. You want the Reader’s Digest version of the Ghost’s assessment of the situation. Everything is O.K. We just need to make a few adjustments and we’ll be back in the game. Reconstruction? No need for that. We got rid of Mr. Gill and Mr. Kostitsyn and everything is fine and dandy.

Hey we’ve even got Blake ‘I have a famous family’ Geoffrion. As Rejean Tremblay – one of the few hockey scribes willing to tell it like it is and give the Habs a good kick where it hurts – said Tuesday morning on 98.5, they are bringing Geoffrion up to the Big Team so the aforementioned scribes can write a few columns about the great Geoffrion legacy. It’s a great way to deflect attention from the fact that the Canadiens are in the midst of their worst era since before World War II.

Here are a few of the choice words of wisdom from the Goat’s meeting with the ink-stained wretches in Tampa Monday (all taken from Richard Labbe’s piece in La Presse and translated by yours truly).

“The objective is to put the team back in place,” said Gauthier. “We have all seen certain signs of frustration recently from the team, signs of insecurity (ed. note: Really? How observant Pierre!). The players are disappointed, frustrated but they’re also angry too. (ed. note: Angry? They look sleepy most nights!) There is lots of pride and I believe they’ll rally and you’ll see that thing will change between now and the end of the season.”

If I didn’t think Labbe was such a good reporter, I’d swear he was making this stuff up. They’re going to rally between now and the end of the season? Firstly, they won’t Mr. Gauthier. They’ve given up on your ‘interim coach’ and with good reason. He’s an ‘interim coach’ so why should they take him seriously. You and your boss, Mr. Molson, have already told everyone that Randy ‘Parley-vous’ Cunneyworth won’t be back next season. So he has zero authority. Secondly, why should they rally? So the Hab-nots can finish 11th instead of 15th and get a worse first-round pick. Earth to Gauthier – the team is dead-in-the-water.

But wait, it gets better. Montreal is last in the East but that doesn’t mean the team will be going into a reconstruction phase.

“Reconstruction….it doesn’t work like that since the arrival of the salary cap,” said Gauthier. “All the teams can rebuild very quickly. To re-launch the team, we are aware that it’s something that can be done quickly.”

So the Habs are in 15th place, haven’t competed most nights this year, have almost the worst home record in the league, and have given up on their coach. But a few tweaks here and there and everything will be hunky dory. Oh did I mention that they have one functioning line? That their young star defenceman – that’s Mr. Subban – has had a disastrous season on every level and may never recover from the way management has put too much pressure on him too early in his career.

That the club is still stuck for another two seasons of crap play from nonchalant millionaire layabout Scott ‘Big Bucks Equals Loopy Grin’ Gomez. That they have a coach who plays the aforementioned Gomer on the power play even though he has two goals in the last 12 months. Don’t forget Tomas ‘Soft as Cadbury’ Kaberle who’s almost as afraid to shoot as Gomez and shows an uncanny knack for inviting opposing forwards to skate right by him and score on Carey ‘What Me Worry’ Price.

The team is in deep doo-dah and it’s entirely thanks to Gauthier and his puppet-master Bob ‘What About Bob’ Gainey. And in spite of those rumours Saturday night about Gauthier being pushed aside, all indications Monday were that the Ghost is back in the driver’s seat.

Heck he was wheelin’ and dealin’ with his usual panche. He sends underachieving winger Andrei ‘Where’s the Party?’ Kostitsyn to Nashville in return for a second-round pick in 2013. AK46, whom the Habs picked in the first round, is a 20-goal scorer who’ll score more than that next year. Mark my words. Meanwhile Buffalo trades a 10-goal scorer, Paul Gaustad, who was picked in the seventh-round, to the same Nashville Predators and the Sabres nab a first-round pick in 2012 in return. So who’s the smarter GM – Gauthier or Buffalo boss Darcy Regier? Exactly.

So the Habs just gave up on another first-round draft choice. Another failure for the team. Speaking of failures, one of the big talking points on trade-deadline day was the rumour that star Rick Nash would be shipped from Columbus to the New York Rangers but the deal reportedly fell through cos the Blue Jackets wanted Rangers D-man Ryan McDonagh and New York refused to give the young blueliner up.

Yeah the same defenceman that Bob ‘Elvis has not left the building’ Gainey threw in at Rangers GM Glen Sather’s suggestion in that fantastic trade that brought Gomez to Montreal. Did I mention that Gainey is still secretly running the Habs show?  Oh I did? Okay, sorry for repeating myself.

But everything’s okay-dokay. We don’t need no damn reconstruction plan. Gauthier and Gainey are on the case.

Hey, enjoy the rest of the season. But I’m telling you right now that if the not-so-respected firm of G&G are still doing their Punch-and-Judy act at Habs Central next season, I’m officially off the bandwagon for as long as they’re running the asylum.


  1. GauthierIsTheWorstGmInTheNhlHistory says:

    Yo, I totally agree with you man, big time!!

    Thanks for those lines, keep up with the good work!!

    – From a big Jaroslav Halak fan…

  2. Patrick says:

    I stopped reading when you quoted Rejean Tremblay.

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