Why have the Habs been so bad for so long?

Posted: February 25, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It’s the question du jour. Really.

The wonderful WordPress blog template always tells me just exactly how you folks ended up on Top Shelf With BK. It tells me the search terms that led to my blog. Here are a few of the search-engine terms today:

Fire Pierre Gauthier

Scott Gomez worst trade ever

Why are the Habs so bad?

Marc-Andre Grondin couple (ed. note: Wot dat?)

Fire Bob and Pierre Gauthier (clearly a guy after my own heart!)

Do you think it’s a good idea to protest?

Why is Gainey still running the Habs?

Wow, talk about kindred spirits. Nice to know I’m not the only guy obsessed with this stuff. I have to admit I did a double-take Friday night when the cameras showed Bob ‘What About Bob’ Gainey in the Habs loge in Washington, sitting beside Andrei ‘See Ya Later!’ Markov. I was like – what the heck is this guy doing here? What’s his job title? And where’s the Ghost?

On Saturday, Rich Thorpe tweeted to suggest Bob ‘Elvis Has Not Left the Building’ Gainey was headed to Florida to help the Goat botch some trades, which is entirely possible. I think it will take both great minds – Gainey’s and the Ghost’s – to successfully trade Andrei ‘Where’s the Party?’ Kostitsyn for a bag of pucks. And you know that he’ll score 35 goals next season for Detroit, playing on the third line.

So why are the Habs so bad? I had a great chat this morning with my accountant, mostly ’cause we didn’t talk about my finances. We talked hockey, as usual. He noted, quite rightly, that whenever someone leaves Montreal, they do better with their new team, and whenever someone comes to Montreal, they do worse. So true. I’ve referred to it in the past as the Habs discount. If you scored 35 goals for New Jersey, you’ll score 28 in Montreal. No I don’t know why either. I just know it’s true.

One problem is that the Canadiens brass have never liked stars. No one player is allowed to over-shadow the Habs brand. Patrick Roy thinks he’s bigger than the team? Well we’ll show this uppity fellow. Let’s trade him to Colorado and let him his Cups there. Guy Lafleur thinks he’s a scoring sensation. Let’s force to play a defensive style and hope he quits. Hey it worked!

The organization is like some doctrinaire religious order. Or maybe the mob. But you get the idea. It’s our way or the high way. And in Get Smart fashion, all talking will be done under the cone of silence. You got that Max, says Chief Gauthier.

It’s the only team in the NHL that won’t let you talk to an assistant coach without going through 16 public-relations assistants first. They’re control freaks. It’s the same with players. Carbo gives the cameras the finger on the golf course? Weeks later, he’s gone, all the blood, sweat and tears he’s shed for le bleu-blanc-et-rouge forgotten.

Mike Ribeiro likes to party man? He’s gonzo too, sent to rack-up the points in Dallas. Chris Chelios likes to party big-time man? He’s sent into exile to spend 20 more years winning accolades for other clubs.

Did you notice that we haven’t had a player make it into the scoring top ten for a quarter century? That’s just bizarre. Like you’d think even a team as mismanaged as the Canadiens would at least stumble on to a scoring star by mistake. But no. We just don’t like that sort of thing around here.

But the real reason the Habs have sucked so badly for so long is because of you.
And me. It’s because we keep buying the tickets and the sweaters and the over-priced beers year after year even though the team hasn’t come close to winning in two decades.

That’s why I like that search-engine term – Do you think it’s a good idea to protest?

More on that later!

Here are the ‘highlights’ – and I use the word in the loosest sense – from Friday night’s Caps-Habs match-up. Take note of Tomas ‘Cadbury’ Kaberle watching sleepily as Perreault scores that first goal. Great trade Ghost!

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